you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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