what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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