There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
