no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
