I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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