Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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