On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
