you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
this hospital has no fireball
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
