dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
