i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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