It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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