if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize