My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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