dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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