It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
