You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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