Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize