I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
