She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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