my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
