just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
