Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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