First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
