Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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