Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
two words: eviction party
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
