So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
