Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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