I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like eating out sand paper
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
