I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
