I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
