it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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