If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
