who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
