It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
