Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
