just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
