He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
