My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
