omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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