you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
