My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
