i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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