who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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