i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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