i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
