Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
