when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
