I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
