Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
