Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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