Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
