I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
