She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
