she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
organizing the empties. That sober.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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