I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So apparently I’m into choking now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
