dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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