pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
