Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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