My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
