All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
