I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
