The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
