Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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