I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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