Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
