did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
