i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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