I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
