He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
