i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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