I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
