Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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