I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
