I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
