She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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