My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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