I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
