do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
