One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
