Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
