I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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