3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
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we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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