i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
