I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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