the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
