i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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