I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
