We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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