I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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